


Our Child

by xxMad_Donaxx



Category: Dragon Age
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-12
Updated: 2012-08-14
Packaged: 2017-11-09 20:17:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/457958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxMad_Donaxx/pseuds/xxMad_Donaxx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anders and Fenris seek shelter with the Wardens of Vigil's Keep after fleeing to Ferelden with Matthias. For fourteen years everything is peaceful and Matthias has grown into a thoughtful young man. Fenris' sister, Varania has come for a visit.</p>
<p>Prompted Sequel on the kmeme to 'Just Like Us'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm honestly surprised at how many hits 'Just Like Us' has gotten. I haven't put a series tag on this because I don't plan on writing anymore with this pair. I'm really flattered it got a sequel request in the first place. =)

We chose to seek shelter with the Wardens. Traveling with an infant proved to be a little more…interesting…than either of us had anticipated. After the Warden Commander got through yelling at me she welcomed me back to Vigil’s Keep. Fenris and I had a long chat with her in her office first thing though.

I told her about what Justice and I had done first…that we had joined…and why I left. Then I told her about Kirkwall…Karl, Meredith, Hawke…everything. When we got to Danarius and how I’ve been changed…she was skeptical. I didn’t blame her but Matthias is all the proof we needed. He is a perfect mix of our features…that’s only become clearer as the years have passed.

I was put in the infirmary and have since been put in charge of it completely. It was made very clear to the Warden Commander that if Fenris was sent away I would be going with him and he was put into the Keep’s guards. He has moved up in the ranks as well and has a company under his command. Fenris has never been put through the joining…I won’t allow it. It’s bad enough that Matthias will lose me to the taint eventually.

Nathaniel is the only other person in the Keep who knows the truth…Justice and Matthias. He is the Warden Commander’s second and he was good friends with Justice. It was a conversation between Nathaniel and Justice that led to our joining after all. Everyone else was given a story about Fenris and me finding my fictional sister in Kirkwall and begging her to carry a child for us. I had to be sneaky at first…until Matthias started on solid food but I was never caught feeding him.

When he was old enough to understand we told Matthias the truth…that I carried him and gave birth. Since he was old enough to know where babies actually came from we also explained how that was even possible. Fenris and me, we didn’t know how he’d react but we felt he should know. Partly for his safety, who knows how many others might know of what Danarius had hoped to accomplish. Also so that he wouldn’t wonder about a mother that didn’t exist.

His reaction was a bit surprising. He wasn’t shocked or horrified like most people that we have had to tell. We have never lied to Matthias about anything else…we didn’t really lie to him about this either. When he asked before we thought he was ready we deflected or told him when he was older. He looked thoughtful for a moment and then said, “Thank you Father,” and gave me a hug. Nothing more has ever been said about it.

Around four months after we had settled into our new life at Vigil’s Keep we received a letter from Varric. We had written to Hawke and Varric, letting them know where we were and that we were all safe. Bethany had gotten word out to Hawke that Meredith sent for the Rite of Annulment. Hawke stormed the Gallows with everyone at his side. He saved many mages that day. In the end it was discovered that Meredith was the woman who bought the idol from Bartrand and it drove her crazy. With Cullen’s help Meredith was killed. Cullen has become Knight-Commander and surprisingly Aveline is Viscount of Kirkwall. Donnic replaced her as Guard Captain. First Enchanter Orsino died in the fighting. I’m not sure who replaced him but Bethany has since become First Enchanter, the youngest ever or so I hear.

The incident created unrest with Circle Mages everywhere and Hawke became a champion of their rights. He’s improved the lives of mages and I’m proud to call him friend but there is still much that could be done. Last I heard he was in Orlais, meeting with the Divine. Isabela is still with him. 

Matthias is still our only child even though I have truly been changed. Fenris and I are very careful. I’m sure being a Grey Warden has had something to do with it. Sometimes I wonder if one of those rituals was to increase the chances of a child. He is happy though, our son. His days are spent mostly with the other children of the Keep…I suppose ‘were’ would be a better choice of words. Since his magic manifested when he was ten, Matthias spends a lot of his time with me or the other Warden Mages. I’m glad the Warden Commander has never insisted he be sent to Kinloch Hold.

It was hard for Fenris at first…knowing his child is a mage. He has never been any different to Matthias however. Fenris is a loving father and cares deeply for Matthias and they spent as much time together as his duties allowed. His fears come to me…when we are alone and Matthias is asleep. He worries of demons and Blood Magic…the evil things he knows mages are capable of. But he worries mostly of what the lyrium he gave Matthias might have done.

Matthias is fourteen now and I have an idea but nothing solid. He learns at a fairly average rate, the spells he does know don’t seem to be any more powerful than anyone else’s spells but he never runs out of mana. I’ve seen him casting spells long after I would have been exhausted at his age. It’s a little frightening to think about. Maybe he just has a very large pool to draw from. Other than that, there is very little difference between his magic and any other’s magic that I have seen. There might be something more we find with time. 

I firmly believe that Matthias inherited a part of Justice from me. He hasn’t ever been mischievous like other boy’s his age. There are no frogs down the back of dresses, no pranks on his teachers, no itching powder in the smallclothes drawer, and he very rarely gets into trouble of any sort. He strives to do what is right in all things.

About a month before his magic manifested he did get into a fight with some older boys. Matthias caught them bullying a younger elf boy, one of the cook’s children, calling him a ‘knife-ear’ and that he was worthless. I don’t think most children like Matthias, mixed parentage, would have interfered because they would have become the target. Fenris told me that he watched the whole incident, unnoticed from a doorway. He was about to do something when Matthias came around a corner, seen what was happening and demanded that they ‘desist and apologize’ immediately. When they didn’t, he gave the older boys a black eye before they ran, straight into Fenris.

Fenris brought the four of them to the infirmary and sent for their parents. A long chat was had about the equality of elves. Wardens make no distinctions between races or sexes, mages don’t either, a person is judged on their abilities here. The families of the two boys eventually went to the Warden Commander and demanded she do something about ‘those two uppity elves’. I really wish I could have heard that conversation. Even though the Warden Commander was a human noble, her lover is an elf.

She backed Fenris to their surprise and they were told to get used to it or to get out. They chose to leave, no great loss. Matthias was thanked for his bravery and he seemed embarrassed by the fuss he’d created. He told the Warden Commander that he’d simply done what was right, that it wasn’t just for those boys to fill his head with the nonsense that elves are lesser simply because they aren’t human. Matthias didn’t use those exact words, he was only ten at the time, but that was essentially what he said. Both of us were pretty proud of him. Nathaniel has told me that the way Matthias speaks reminds him of Justice sometimes too.

Justice agrees with me about this. Even he doesn’t know for sure though. I’ve asked him what else Matthias might have gained from him, besides a few personality quirks. He doesn’t know. Fourteen years later and we’re still in the dark about what Danarius might have wanted. It’s frustrating.

Fenris and I keep most of these thoughts to ourselves. Matthias doesn’t need these worries. He’s a normal teen…he takes his magic studies very seriously but he’s becoming more interested in girls, does things with his friends. The only thing he seems to have missed is the rebellion part of being a teen. That doesn’t mean his ideas and ours always match however.

We’ve been contacted recently by Fenris’ sister, Varania. Fenris had been trying to contact her in Kirkwall before Danarius happened but when we discovered that I was pregnant she slipped his mind completely. She has written recently…announcing her intentions to visit. Both Fenris and Matthias are excited but I am…suspicious. Why contact us now after all this time? It bothers me and Justice doesn’t like it either. All we can do is wait. But Justice and I will be watchful when she arrives.


	2. Chapter 2

We’ve received another letter from Varania. It was sent from Kirkwall so she might be in Amaranthine by now. The letter was pretty spare, just telling us she would be here soon. Fenris and Matthias are more excited than ever. For their sake…I hope my suspicions aren’t justified. Neither Fenris nor I really have any known family besides her and I can understand their excitement but I just can’t share it.

The Wardens are my family. Even after leaving the way I did they accepted me back without reservations. The Commander and Nathaniel know everything and they still treated me as a friend, then and now. Maybe that’s what makes me wonder about Varania. Her letters are impersonal. She wrote nothing of herself and asks no questions…almost like she doesn’t care.

I suppose there’s no reason to dwell. She’ll be here in a few days either way. I have asked Nathaniel to find out what he can though. Can’t hurt to know something about her…I should have asked earlier.

The Commander came back from her scouting trip to Kinloch Hold the other day. She came to the infirmary almost immediately with a young enchanter in tow. “I have a present for you Anders,” she’d said happily. The young enchanter, Becky, red hair, short ponytail, freckles across her nose and cheeks, dark brown eyes and the most positive cheerful attitude, stepped forward and started talking excitedly. Apparently she’d been working on breaking my record for the number of escapes. Becky, like me, had been spared the usual accusations of malificar and been caught and dragged back five times because she is also a Spirit Healer. 

I can’t imagine how the Commander got Irving to agree to part with her. Becky is the only mage she brought back though so it must have been a tough deal. I’m to teach her everything I know about healing and when my Calling comes, she will replace me as head of the infirmary. I think it’s good that the Commander is thinking ahead, The Vigil will still have an excellent healer when I’m gone. That’s a fair bit away still though…good thing too. Becky is a good healer but she still has much to learn.

Becky’s appearance has got Matthias to thinking too. Yesterday he asked me just what made us Spirit Healers. After I explained it to him he asked me a question I couldn’t answer, “What sort of mage will I be Father?” In the circle, apprentices’ studies are set according to their natural strengths. I showed a talent early on with creation magic and my life as a healer was set early. Here, there are a small but varied number of Warden Mages. Matthias has been good at everything he’s been taught.

It’s sort of strange now that I think about it. His entropy spells are just as strong as his creation spells. The force spells he’s learned are just as good as his elemental magic. He’s even managed to get Velanna to show him a bit of her Keeper spells. There just isn’t a school of magic that Matthias is weak in. This added to his seemingly endless mana pool is just a bit frightening.

Matthias could truly do anything he wants. I shudder to think what he would have been like had Danarius raised him. Fenris and I have always tried to teach good morals and with his need to do the right thing…perhaps it wouldn’t have mattered much. Still, it’s a frightening thought.

***

The only thing Nathaniel found out before Varania arrived is that she came from Minrathous. Not surprising really considering that’s where Fenris and Danarius were from. She seems nice enough but there’s something about her that makes me nervous. Her guest quarters are not far from ours and she’s been here for hours.

Varania looks very similar to Fenris, only her hair is red. They have been talking and there have been some interesting discoveries. Fenris’ name is Leto and he competed for the markings. Naturally he’s not taking this very well. Their mother is dead and even she doesn’t know who their father was. Varania is a citizen of Tevinter, not a slave, but beyond that she says nothing about herself.

She’s also asked many questions about Matthias. Things like where he was born, parents…all pretty general questions so far. We gave her the same story most everyone gets. She was a little too excited when he had to leave for his lessons. I’m just glad Matthias is with people I trust. I can’t wait for her to leave.

Matthias was eager to get to his lessons today. I’m sure it wasn’t for the same reasons I have. He didn’t tell me anything but I think he might have a girlfriend. Some of the other Wardens have told me that he hangs out at the practice fields quite a bit. I can’t help but wonder who’s caught his eye. I’m sure he’ll bring her home at some point.

Not sure what Fenris might think of this. He’s still talking with his sister. I’m mostly listening to their conversation. I’d go back to the infirmary but I don’t want to leave Fenris alone with her. Besides, when she finally does leave us…Fenris is going to need me. He’s always thought the markings were forced on him. I can’t imagine what he’s feeling right now, knowing he fought for the pain.

***

Last night went about as well as I’d expected it to. It took me a while to get Fenris to open up. He was quite angry with himself, blaming himself for many things. My capture by Danarius among them but I finally got him to realize that It doesn’t matter. What’s done is done and we can’t change it. I’ve only known Fenris as he is now. It doesn’t matter whether it was forced on him or not, this is the way he is now. In fact I think it’s noble that he freed his sister and mother from slavery, dooming him to the very life he saved them from.

Fenris wasn’t in a great mood when he left this morning but it was much better than his mood last night. Matthias on the other hand was in high spirits. He wouldn’t tell me why, but said he’d show me later. Is he going to bring home his girl I wonder? Has he decided which area of magic he wants to study? What if he’s discovered an ability no one else has? I’m excited and nervous to find out.

I’m more nervous about him spending most of the morning with Varania though, giving her a tour of the public parts of the Keep. Fenris and I have duties and can’t be with him constantly. I know the other Wardens will watch out for him though. I’ve told them my suspicions and Matthias is well-liked. Some of them think of him as their child too. Normally children born to wardens are given away. Neither Fenris nor I would stand for that however. The commander only brought it up once but since I rarely leave Vigil’s Keep and Fenris isn’t a Warden at all the normal arguments just didn’t apply. 

It’s not as if he’s completely defenseless either. Matthias has learned how to fight with his staff and his battle magic, while not exceptional, is more than adequate. With all the others around, she’d be foolish to try something. I still worry however. Listen to me…I sound paranoid. She unnerves me though. We don’t know much about her and…he is my son.

Matthias has finally come to take me to lunch and I sigh in relief at seeing him well. As we walk down the hall, I notice that he frowns a little. So I ask, “What’s wrong Matthias?”

He looks around and we are in a deserted hallway for the moment but he speaks quietly anyway. “Aunt Varania keeps asking me about my mother and where she is. If I knew her, if she knows me. I think my answers frustrate her. I tell her the same thing but she finds different ways to ask.”

Now I’m frowning as well. Everyone else has accepted our story…why won’t she? “Just…be careful.”

“I will Father,” he says solemnly. We walk on and he smiles suddenly. “Will Father Fenris be with us for lunch?”

“I think so. Have you got something to show us?” I ask.

“I wish you to meet someone. I have invited her to lunch with us.”

I can’t help but smile, he _has_ found a girlfriend! I’m excited and nervous all over again. My head is filling with a thousand questions. What’s she like? How old is she? What does she look like? Is she a mage? How did they meet? How long have they known each other? How serious are they? So many questions…not even the thought that Varania will also be there can dull my joy.


	3. Chapter 3

The cafeteria is nothing more than the main dining hall. It was converted before I got to the Keep the first time with many tables and chairs, enough to accommodate a large number of people. There’s a banquet table at one end that holds all the food that the cooks prepare. Matthias and I make our way to that table and fill our trays. Fenris waves to us from across the room at a corner table with Varania already there.

We make our way over after our trays are full and Matthias sits so he can watch the door. I sit next to Fenris and it’s quiet at the table as we all eat. Matthias is anxious and he watches the door. We don’t have to wait long, soon enough he smiles and waves. I look toward the door and catch a glimpse of her. There’s not much more I can see at the moment besides a smile and her thick black hair. She waves back and heads over to the food table.

When she arrives she sits between Matthias and Varania, the only seat left at the table. She looks human but her deep blue eyes are a bit large. Next to me, Fenris smiles and says, “Hello Emily.” I suddenly wonder if I’m the last to know of this.

“Hello ser,” she says. Her eyes sparkle and an easy smile crosses her features as she glances at Matthias. 

Matthias smiles back, it’s rare to see him smile so openly. He’s so serious all the time. “Emily, you know Father Fenris. This is my Father Anders. He is in charge of the infirmary and this is my Aunt Varania.”

He holds an arm to each of us in turn and I smile when she looks to me and nods in greeting. She’s really quite pretty, almost exotic with her pale skin and black hair. It’s when she tucks her hair behind her slightly pointed ear to keep it out of her plate that I realize she’s like Matthias…an elf-blooded human.

I’ve always hated that term. Some people say it with the same disdain as they say ‘mage’. Like having an elven parent is a disgrace or something. Matthias has always liked to keep his hair short, so everyone can see his ears. He’s never seen Fenris as anything but his father and personally, I think he’s proud of that fact. She must have come across some of this prejudice to hide her ears the way she does.

It makes me wonder just how long her family has been here at Vigil’s Keep. I’ll ask Fenris later, I’m not sure I could get an answer out of her right now. Emily and Matthias are completely enamored with each other. It can’t have been long, his interest in the opposite sex is a very recent development but he’s never shown any real interest in any of the girls here, human or elven. It makes sense that they would find each other…a part of both and accepted by neither. Except for places like this where race just doesn’t matter.

Lunch is pleasant and she’s comfortable with us. Emily is cheerful despite the hardships she has surely faced. She’s sweet, considerate and kind. They are definitely a cute couple. I wonder when I’ll get to meet her parents. Soon I hope.

Varania has been quiet and I’m glad. Her gaze is cold though, calculating.

***

I spoke with Fenris last night and I was right, Emily’s family has only been here about a month. Both of her parents have been put in the guard. Her mother, the elven half of her parents, has been placed in Fenris’ Company. Fenris said she’s a top notch rogue and has been passing her skills on to Emily. That’s how they met, on the practice fields. Matthias and Emily each of them watching a parent spar. I think I’m a little jealous…Fenris has been keeping tabs on them from the start.

Fenris said that Matthias has been a perfect gentleman with Emily. That’s not very surprising really given his need to do the right thing. I sometimes wonder if Matthias will be married before he so much as dares to kiss someone. Still, it’s comforting to know that there probably won’t be any surprise grandchildren in the near future.

Emily is around the same age as Matthias. It’s a little too early to tell if they are serious or not. I’m not sure I want their relationship to become serious. I know my own love life has been far from normal but I do know that first loves rarely work out. They complement each other so well though…I suppose only time will tell.

Varania has been in the infirmary with me all day. I wish she would just go away. She’s been pestering me with the oddest questions…too interested in my time in Kirkwall. I’ve told her nothing that isn’t common knowledge. She’s also a little too interested in the time right after my joining. There have been many questions and I’ve refused to answer some of them. Justice is more suspicious of her than ever…and I agree with him.

I know she’s frustrated with my answers. Whatever information she’s fishing for hasn’t been forthcoming from anyone. I’ve made no secret of the fact that I don’t trust her and she knows it. It’s hard to get anything done with her constantly chattering in my ear though. I think I’ll be glad to have Matthias here for lessons. It’ll be an excuse to kick her out.

***

Matthias has been thinking of his future a lot lately. He’s asked me the best way to help people. The best way I know of is to become a healer. Naturally I told him this and it would be very easy for him to be a Spirit Healer. He has a unique view of spirits and they are drawn to him. He hasn’t shown any specific talent for it but I’m not sure he would be happy as a healer.

I was already a healer when I joined with Justice. It was already a part of who I am and the clinic in Kirkwall satisfied both of us. I was healing people who desperately needed it and helping make their lives a little better. I don’t think Matthias would get the same satisfaction that I do. I’ve told him to ask that of the other mages here. He asked Becky right away. Even though she told him almost the exact same thing he listened politely to her reasons and thanked her before he left.

Maybe Fenris has some insights into this. I just don’t know…Matthias could truly do whatever he wanted. I’ll definitely speak with Fenris…he should be here soon.

I’m reading when Fenris comes in, without Varania thank the Maker. Our rooms, because we came here as a family, is one that was originally intended for minor nobles. Matthias has a room, he’s studying in there right now, we have a room and there is a common room that connects them. I’m sitting in the common room but I stand when he comes in. I wait for him to shed his armor and put his sword on the stand before I kiss him.

It’s rather late and I lead us to the bedroom. As we ready ourselves for bed I say, “Matthias asked me what the best way to help people was today. I told him healing but…I don’t think he’d get along very well with that.”

Fenris looks thoughtful before he replies, “No, I don’t think he would.”

“I told him to ask the other mages in the Keep.” I sit at the end of the bed in my nightshirt and he sits next to me. “I was wondering if you had any ideas.”

He takes my hand and his thumb rubs restlessly at my knuckles. “If it were up to me…I would keep him here. Where I know he will be safe…protected,” he says quietly. “He would not thank me for it though…and he would be unhappy.”

A thoughtful silence falls between us, lost in our thoughts. There is something to what Fenris has said, something that makes me think. He will be of age soon, four of five short years. Will he want to stay here at Vigil’s Keep? Somehow…I don’t think he will. Matthias wants to help people. Is it the part of Justice that he inherited from me driving him to find a cause? He doesn’t seem particularly fanatical about any one thing…even the way mages and elves are treated.

“Perhaps he could ask the Warden Commander or Nathaniel,” Fenris says. “They have both accomplished much.”

I nod and give his hand a squeeze. It’s a good idea…perhaps we are too biased to help him with this decision. The thought of Matthias leaving the Keep makes me a little sad but I couldn’t keep him here. As someone who has sought freedom for most of their life…I would be the greatest hypocrite ever to keep him here.

Fenris stands and smiles as he gives my hand an answering squeeze before he exits our room. I can hear him and Matthias speaking quietly and lanterns are blown out in the common room. When Fenris comes back into our room, I scoot back on the bed and crawl under the covers. The last lantern is out and he lies next to me. Facing each other, our hands entwined we eventually fall asleep…but it takes a while for both of us. We’ve given each other much to think about.


	4. Chapter 4

Three more days and even Fenris is becoming wary of Varania’s incessant questions. They have spoken about their past but she deflects whenever we ask about what she does now. Thank the Maker that she’s going to Amaranthine for a week. She leaves tomorrow but she said she’ll be stopping in for a few more days before she goes back to Minrathous.

Matthias has asked all of the mages in Vigil’s Keep his questions. At Fenris’ suggestion he has also asked quite a few non-mages as well, the Commander, Nathaniel, Varel…he’s even asked Oghren. I don’t really want to think about what he might have told Matthias and I can’t imagine it’ll be of any help. Then again…sometimes Oghren can be fairly intelligent.

I don’t think he’s come to any sort of a decision yet. We’ve decided not to ask him about it for now. This is a rather important decision and there is still time. Whatever he chooses to be…I know he’ll be good at.

Matthias spent most of yesterday evening with Emily. First they had dinner with her parents and then they went to the library but they definitely weren’t reading. I only went there because I had to find an herbalist’s book for Becky. They were sitting next to each other at one of the tables, a book open in front of them, talking quietly to each other. I didn’t want to pry so I didn’t linger but they might have been holding hands under the table.

When he came home, Matthias told me that her parents had expressed a desire to meet Fenris and I. Her mother already knows Fenris of course but I haven’t met either of them. Since I would love to meet them, I told him to check with Fenris on a good time to have dinner together. I’m free most evenings but Fenris’ duties aren’t always so clear.

***

Varania is gone and I’m glad. Matthias isn’t quite as tense either. He was never rude to her and she spent a fair amount of time with him though. I think Fenris is torn. Her questions eventually raised his suspicions but generally, around Fenris, she was nice. After that day she spent in my clinic she avoided me completely. It’s too bad that she’ll be back.

Emily’s father was brought to the infirmary this morning. There was a training accident and he somehow managed to get a nasty cut close to his right eye. I didn’t recognize him but he recognized me. He introduced himself as Bruce and then said, “You must be one of Matthias’ fathers.” Emily definitely resembles her mother more but her dark hair had to have come from him. There weren’t many patients at the infirmary so we ended up talking a bit.

He’s a cheerful fellow despite having lived all over Ferelden. By chance he’d met the Warden Commander near Denerim. She’d been on a recruiting mission. They were both acting as guards for a merchant’s caravan that the Commander had been traveling with. The caravan was attacked by bandits and the Commander had been impressed with their skills.

Even after she’d found out about Emily, the Commander invited them to Vigil’s Keep. After their job was done they traveled here immediately. Jess, Emily’s mother, had declined the Commanders offer of becoming a Warden but followed Bruce here anyway where she was put in Fenris’ Company. Bruce had taken his joining soon after arriving here. There are always older Wardens present at joinings but not necessarily healers. There’s nothing we can do for them…they die or they don’t. The number of Wardens here has also increased a lot and there are regular recruiting missions. So it’s not that surprising that I didn’t know he was a Warden before he came in today.

Before he left he and I made tentative arrangements to eat dinner together tomorrow night. Hopefully Jess and Fenris will be able to be there as well. After he left I couldn’t stop wondering why he had joined the Grey Wardens. I will have to make sure I ask. Even though our children are around the same age Bruce is younger than Fenris and I. He might have been a child during the blight…perhaps that’s why.

After Bruce left the Commander visited. She wanted to know about supplies and such but when that tedious task was finished we shared some tea in my office. She told me of Matthias’ visit and what stories she’d told him about. They mostly had to do with Wynne and Morrigan, the mages that she had traveled with during the blight. He asked specifically about the ancient elven Arcane Warriors. 

There are a few Arcane Warriors here at the keep. This discipline was thought to be lost but the Commander rediscovered it and began teaching what she learned to some of the mages here. I can see why Matthias would be interested in this. Justice was a warrior, in the Fade and here in Kristof before he and I joined.

If Matthias did receive a part of Justice he would not be bound by a host. I believe he did and it is truly a part of him. I have said in the past that Justice and I are one but there are times that I have thoughts that are distinctly my own or thoughts that are distinctly his. Matthias wouldn’t have to deal with this. Justice didn’t completely transfer after all. Perhaps it’s given Matthias a bit of a warrior’s instinct.

It would be perfect really…but I don’t know that I like it. Mages shouldn’t be in the front lines of battle. We should be in the back to offer support or healing. Even battle mages stay out of sword range. Naturally Justice approves. Perhaps my thinking is a little old fashioned in this area…or maybe I just don’t like the thought of my son being so close to the sharp edge of a sword. It doesn’t matter I suppose…If he chooses to become an Arcane Warrior I will support his decision whether I like it or not.

***

Dinner has been interesting and informative. Jess is a serious individual but you can tell she adores her husband. They met in Denerim after Bruce’s family fled Redcliffe during the blight. Both of them remember the darkspawn assault, when the Commander defeated the archdemon, and they both survived the battle. Bruce said this battle is why he became a Warden, to help prevent another city’s destruction at the hands of darkspawn. 

They met during the battle. Jess had become separated from her family and found Bruce’s family. She was protected by them and when it was over her and Bruce were the best of friends. It blossomed to love in time. This is where their first troubles came, his family didn’t care but her mother didn’t approve at all and Jess had lost her father during the blight. They fled Denerim, moving from village to village.

They married in Highever. This is where they learned their fighting skills, from mercenaries, as well. Bruce said that they didn’t stay in one place to long because it was easier to deal with. When Jess discovered she was pregnant they settled in Redcliffe for a while. Their life there wasn’t easy. They lived on the outskirts because he wasn’t welcome among the elves and she wasn’t welcome among the humans. Emily got along well enough with the human children but some of the elven children were cruel to her. This is probably why she hides her ears. If it weren’t for the slightly pointed ears they could pass for human children. When Emily was around ten they resumed their nomadic lifestyle. 

Listening to their tale has made me appreciate the fact that Fenris and I have never really run into this type of prejudice. I didn’t realize how much Hawke’s status protected us from things like that. It’s been brought up here a few times but those sorts of people aren’t tolerated around here very well. People are more surprised that we are both men than with our race, though it’s never been a problem. That fact hasn’t really been brought up between our little families.

After dinner we moved to our rooms and Fenris and I told them our tale over wine. We told them mostly everything about the odd way we got together, only leaving out Danarius’ rituals that led to Matthias. I feel bad for lying to them about that, they’re nice people, but this information is just too dangerous. The evening was pleasant though. With Bruce a Warden, Vigil’s Keep is their home now and they seem to be happy here.

When they left Matthias announced to Fenris and me his intentions to become an Arcane Warrior. I can’t say I’m surprised. Fenris is pleased though. He can pass along his knowledge…teach his mage son some of his skills. I still don’t like the idea very much. Seeing them happy though…together and able to connect…I think that’s worth the worry.


	5. Chapter 5

I’ve been watching them on the practice fields…Fenris and Matthias. He’s a natural with a sword. It’s not the great swords that Fenris uses just a regular long sword but there’s…a natural grace about him. Fenris says that he has much to learn but he’s doing well.

Matthias has also arranged to study under one of the Arcane Warriors here. He wants to continue his general studies too but most of his time will be spent learning what spells work best with this discipline. I know he’ll do well but I worry a bit that he’s trying to do too much at once. I’ve told him it might be best if he focused more on his chosen area and left the general studies for later. He is determined though.

His mornings are full of training with Fenris, magic studies in the afternoon and most evenings he spends with Emily. It makes me a little sad when I remember the boy he was…following me around the infirmary or playing with his friends. Fenris and I teaching him to read and write, healing his scrapes or just his shining eyes and bright smile as Fenris told him a story.

I can still see that boy sometimes…when he’s talking quietly with Emily and laughing. Or when he and Fenris are on the practice fields, the joy Matthias gets from just spending time with Fenris. I suppose he’s more man now than boy. It’s good the way he’s taken control of his studies and such. I think I like the man he’s becoming.

Varania will be back tomorrow and I’m dreading her arrival. I think I’ll be glad when she leaves Ferelden altogether. I can’t help but be suspicious. Just what has she been doing in Amaranthine? All her questions, her keen interest in Matthias…yes I’ll definitely be glad when she’s gone. 

***

Fenris and Matthias have made arrangements to visit Amaranthine in a couple of days and they’ve asked me to come with. They’re going to the armor shops looking for some leathers for Matthias and want to make it a family outing. I’ll talk to the Commander later and make arrangements so that the infirmary won’t be understaffed. It’s been a while since we’ve done anything together like that.

I just can’t imagine Matthias wearing armor of any sort though. Until a week ago I’d never imagined him wielding a sword either. This is what he wants though. As much as I don’t like the idea though I think he’s found his strengths. Fenris says his sword skills are improving rapidly and his magic instructor will be meeting with him on the practice fields.

Varania arrived this morning and seemed overjoyed at his choice. There was a look of evil glee on her face for just a few seconds. If I hadn’t been watching so closely I might have missed it. It worries me but she’s just as nice as she has been…almost sickeningly nice now that I think about it. I’ll be watching her closely. I just don’t trust her.

***

She’s leaving tomorrow and I’ll be very glad to see her go. I think Matthias will be glad when she’s gone as well. Varania hasn’t left him alone for the three days she’s been back. I can’t imagine what she’s looking for now.

I’m in the infirmary now, my duties prevent me from watching her all the time but Matthias is wary around her. Matthias is probably on the practice fields now. I imagine Varania and Emily are watching him. I’d like to be but I’ve got a few patients that can’t be left alone. I’m sitting at my desk when Nathaniel comes in. He looks grim and I stand. “Is something wrong?”

“I’ve kept trying to get information on Fenris’ sister,” he says ominously.

“What have you found out?” I ask. His mood is catching and I find myself frowning.

“She’s a Magister,” Nathaniel says darkly. They all know of Fenris’ history in Tevinter.

“That lying…where’s Fenris?”

“He’s fine, in the fields with Jess and Charlie. It’s Matthias we can’t seem to find. I think she’s gone too.”

“What? No…” I say and sit heavily. My mind is blank with horror. The door opens and Matthias hurries in. Relieved I rush to him. “Where have you been?”

“Looking for Emily, Father,” he says. There is worry in his voice. “I was to go to the practice fields with her…we were going to spar together, but I can’t find her anywhere!”

“Oh…dear Maker,” I say quietly. She knew. That lying witch knew all along. The questions…she was just seeking confirmation of who Matthias was. “Matthias, go find Becky and bring her here.”

“Yes Father,” he says. Matthias runs out and I turn to Nathaniel. 

“Fenris and Jess need to know. Varania has Emily, I’m sure of it,” I tell him.

“Why purpose would that serve?” asks Nathaniel.

“She doesn’t want Emily at all,” I say starting to pace. “She wants Matthias. Whatever Danarius was trying to do she knows of it. Varania couldn’t get to him so she’s going to use Emily to get to him.”

“I’ll start a search immediately,” Nathaniel says before running out the door as well.

I can only pace and wait for Becky…and call myself nine kinds of fool for not seeing it.

***

They aren’t at the keep. Varania and Emily have just disappeared. Fenris and I are furious, Jess is worried sick and Matthias seems to be smoldering with rage. Bruce left on an expedition into the Deep Roads a few days ago so he doesn’t even know.

I just can’t believe she hid that fact so well. I had no idea she was even a mage never mind a bloody magister. Fenris says that she was most likely an apprentice of Danarius when he was killed. She had to have known what Danarius was trying to accomplish. It’s the only thing that makes sense.

The longer Emily is missing the more I worry about her. It’s likely that Varania is just using her to get to Matthias but after my own experiences…I’m more than a little worried for her. There has been no contact made and that worries me the most. 

We will be headed for Amaranthine tomorrow because it’s too late to start out today. It’s the only place we can think of that she might have gone. Why else would she have gone for a week? She’s been planning this for a while I think. Fenris, Jess, Matthias and I will be leaving before first light. Matthias has insisted on coming with. The Commander is organizing search parties for the surrounding area. We _have_ to find them…and Maker help Varania if Emily has been hurt.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's some violence in this chapter but it's not very graphic.

The walk to Amaranthine was quiet. I know we are all worried and no one suggests stopping to rest. We are not stopped by bandits or thugs and make it there as the sun is just barely over the horizon. We agreed before we set out that we wouldn’t split up and I ask the few people that are about if they’ve seen Varania or Emily recently. 

A city guardsman at the entrance directed us to the Inn and from there the market. After asking many of the shopkeepers we finally found one that had seen Varania just last night. He gave us directions to the warehouse and we set off immediately. This particular warehouse is close to the docks. I ask some of the dockworkers but they have seen nothing. There have been no ships to Tevinter that have left recently so I’m hopeful they’re still here.

At the warehouse Matthias, Fenris and I stand around Jess as she picks the locked door. Fenris is the first though, his markings lit and ghostlike. I’m struck with a strong wave of nostalgia, and I remember following Hawke into countless warehouses and caves always at the back. Ready with a healing spell or a paralysis glyph, Hawke and Fenris or Aveline leading the way, Varric at my side with Bianca loaded and ready.

I shake my head a little and refocus on Fenris. Jess walks close to him, daggers drawn in a position of readiness I recognize from watching Isabela fight. The person at my side, this time, is my son…and I know he won’t stay there. His sword is drawn, held at the ready, angry determination coloring his cheeks a little. I’ve watched him spar, I know he is skilled but I still worry about the fight to come. That it will come down to a fight I have no doubts. He is my son…and I don’t want him in danger.

Fenris leads us cautiously through a short hallway and pauses before a door. “Be ready,” he says quietly with a hand on the door handle. The door is thrown open and Fenris charges through with a fierce yell. Jess flits through the door next followed by Matthias and I’m last into the room.

We are greeted by shades and abominations. The familiar blue blur that is Fenris directly ahead of me holding off three shades at once. In true rogue fashion Jess is impossible to track. An abomination and a shade both head in my direction but Matthias blocks them. Instincts honed in Kirkwall come to the surface and thought stops as they take over.

Paralysis glyph, Winter’s Grasp, heal Fenris, Mind Blast, move away, heal Jess, Crushing Prison, Fireball…how long it lasts I don’t know. When the last shade screams, we are all panting from exertion…except Matthias. I know he fought with us, I remember seeing spells that I didn’t cast and seeing him attack with his sword. A perfect blend of might and magic in a single person but he is hardly even winded.

There is clapping and we all follow the sound. Varania steps out from behind a stack of crates. “Marvelous!” she says, gleeful grin across her lips and an evil glint in her eyes.

“Where’s Emily!” Jess exclaims rushing forward.

She is suddenly frozen solid, trapped in a Crushing Prison, as Varania wags her finger at Jess. “You are not important,” she says as Jess screams.

Jess collapses to the floor and I run to her. Varania’s eyes widen in shock but they quickly turn gleeful once more. Matthias steps forward to stand next to Fenris. “Coward,” he says.

I concentrate on healing Jess but I’m listening to them. I have no idea how he did it but Matthias somehow broke the spell.

“You are wonderful…everything Master Danarius predicted,” she says. “A powerful mage, unlimited mana, keen warrior’s instincts, sword skills that will be trained to mastery and abilities that no other person on Thedas has. Gifts from your possessed and lyrium enhanced parents.”

“Foul witch,” Fenris says angrily.

Jess looks up at me, her expression pained and confused. Frowning, I let Justice take over for the first time in ages. “You will not get away with this,” we say, voice deep and echoing but calm and confident.

“Where is Emily?” Matthias asks, also calm and confident.

“Safe,” she says smugly. “As long as you be a good little boy and come with me.”

“Never,” Fenris snarls.

Matthias put a hand on his arm, his sword sheathed, and steps forward. “Did your Master truly know what would happen when he altered my father?”

“Of course, you have shown everything he predicted. You will be a powerful tool,” she says. Her voice took on a reverent tone as she continued, “He was a brilliant man.”

“A stupid and sadistic one who cared nothing for others,” Fenris says. “Not I, not Anders, not even you.”

“Perhaps…but only the results matter.”

“He was a fool,” Matthias says shortly. He holds an arm out to Fenris and I. “How many died before he was successful? His results are not what you have expected.”

“Of course you are,” she says, but her voice is unsteady. 

Matthias walks forward and a shield appears around him that absorbs Varania’s hastily cast spell. Justice recedes and I help Jess to her feet. Fenris looks as amazed as I feel. Our son takes his Aunt by the throat pushing her up against the crates. The sound of his sword being drawn is loud in the silent room, heard over Varania’s frightened panting.

“Where. Is. Emily?” he asks, his voice cold, his expression barely contained rage. The point of his sword resting over her heart and she finally looks frightened. 

“Locked in a room…just over there,” she says and points.

“Your Master made several mistakes,” Matthias says quietly. “He didn’t take into account Fathers spirit, that I would inherit a part of that spirit. Even had he been successful in taking me to Tevinter soon after I was born, I would have never followed his orders. _Justice_ will be served. You have shown your treacherous heart.”

One short but powerful thrust, she is impaled on his sword. Jess turns away and buries her face in my chest. I rub her back, hoping to sooth her frayed nerves and wish I could look away as well. He is my son and I will love him always, but I’ve never seen this harsh side of him. The sword is pulled out and he cleans it with her skirts before sheathing it and hurrying to the door she indicated.

“Emily!” he calls through the door, banging on it once and there is worry in his voice.

“Matthias!” she calls through the door, her voice muffled and shaking.

“Step away from the door. Father,” he says turning his gaze to Fenris.

Like me, I see worry in his features but he straps his sword in place and steps forward. Together they hit the door with their shoulders and it pops open with the second hit. They stumble inside and I help Jess to the door. Jess pauses before she kneels next to her daughter and I stand next to Fenris, not quite as worried.

Matthias kneels next to her, their arms wrapped around each other. She is distraught but he is comforting and I’m reminded of when Fenris found me…after Danarius’ rituals. I glance to Fenris as he slips an arm around my waist. That small honest smile that not many get to see and I know he isn’t quite as worried as well. If there is love in his heart…there will also be mercy.


	7. Chapter 7

We stopped for the night about halfway back to the Vigil. Jess hadn’t asked about what Varania had said. She and Matthias walked on either side of Emily, comforting and calming. Fenris and I walked behind them. I don’t know if their relationship can handle this incident. Danarius pushed me and Fenris closer…but Varania may have torn them apart. 

I say this because we told Jess and Emily everything. After we had eaten, around the campfire…we told everything. I started with how he’d captured me, the rituals and being found. The pain I remember as my body was changed…Fenris filled in what I don’t remember. It was a little easier to speak about after that.

We told them about how I discovered that I was pregnant and our fears of how each of our…oddities might affect the baby. Even now, that’s still unclear…just what Fenris and I have given him. Fenris told of the battle that raged while Matthias was born and I told of Danarius trying to take us away. We finished with our journey to Vigil’s Keep.

They were both horrified of course. Jess was surprisingly sympathetic though. She asked me if it could happen again and I could only whisper that…yes it’s possible. I’m getting along in years but…plenty of older women bear healthy children. Normally, I’d say I’m around the age most women become infertile but because none of this is natural…there’s really no telling when I will be. I honestly think the only reason Matthias is an only child is because Grey Warden’s are practically infertile anyway. There’s still that small chance though…and Fenris and I have been very careful. 

There’s really no way to tell just what Emily is going through. After the horror of being kidnapped we piled more horrific information on her. They deserved to know though…needed to know really. Jess asked if she could tell Bruce the whole story when he gets back. I said yes but please no others. The less people that know of his origins…the safer he’ll be. 

When we got back to the Keep the next day Matthias took Emily home and stayed with her until Jess, Fenris and I gave our full report to the Commander. She sent runners out to call back the searchers and was relieved that Emily was found unharmed. Jess left first with a week off from her duties to see to Emily.

After Jess left the Commander asked us who else might try something like this. The really scary thing…we don’t know. I don’t think Fenris or I will trust someone from Tevinter ever again, not that I trusted Varania to begin with. I still didn’t see this coming though. I just don’t understand how she could casually toss aside her own brother…her family. Such bloodthirsty ambition is beyond me. 

Fenris and I were given two days off. I plan to spend at least one of them sleeping. It’s been such a long time since I’ve done anything this strenuous. I still practice in the yards and try to stay healthy at least but the last couple of days have worn me out. 

***

It’s been a week since we returned from Amaranthine. Bruce has yet to return from the Deep Roads but Jess is back to work. Matthias continued with his training the next day and he goes to see Emily every day as well. She won’t come to our rooms. It sort of makes me sad but I know Jess bears no ill will.

Fenris and I have gone back to our duties like nothing has changed. There isn’t much that has changed to be perfectly honest. Two more people know our secret, three when Bruce gets back, but nothing has changed. People still get sick and hurt. The Vigil needs its guards. Fenris and I…our place is here.

Matthias has become somewhat restless though. He won’t tell us what’s bothering him but I can make a good guess. I think he fears his presence is putting everyone in danger. He’s still too young to go off on his own though. We need…well I’m not sure what we need at this point. I still haven’t gotten up the nerve to ask him how he blocked those spells. Maybe Fenris can help somehow.

***

I spoke with Fenris last night and he said he’d talk to Matthias this morning on the practice fields. I’ve been in the infirmary cataloging inventory. Sitting at my desk, taking a break from the endless counting, and sipping at some tea I’m surprised when Emily knocks and pokes her head in.

“Hello Emily,” I say, hoping I sound friendly. I haven’t seen her since the day we got back. “Is there something I can help you with?”

“I…I wanted to…speak with you,” she says. I can tell she’s frightened though I don’t know what she’s frightened of.

“Of course,” I say warmly, smiling, trying to put her at ease. “Would you like some tea?”

She steps forward, closing the door behind her and nods. While I get another cup and fill it she sits down in the chair on the other side of my desk. I wait for her to speak. Emily sips at the hot tea and I can see her hands shake a little. After she sets the cup down she starts talking.

“How did you deal with it?” she asks.

“Deal with what?” I’m a bit confused.

“When… _he_ took you?”

She’s quiet now and a sharp spike of fear settles in my gut. “Varania didn’t do anything to you did she?”

“No…not that I remember at least,” she says shaking her head. “I remember walking in a hallway and then getting very sleepy…when I woke I was in that room. I didn’t even know who had taken me or why until…”

How original, that’s how Danarius captured me. “Until…” I prompt, hoping she’ll continue.

After another sip of tea, she does continue. “Until you guys came. I was listening through the door. I…I’d like to know how you…dealt with being taken. I’m so frightened…I can’t hardly go out of my room. Mama can’t help me, Papa isn’t home yet…Matthias…he brought me here…said talking to you might help.”

“Why can’t Jess help?”

“Mama doesn’t understand. She’s sympathetic but…she just tells me I have to move on.”

Silence falls and I think. I do sort of understand her fears. I was only found because he wanted me found. The waiting was horrible…especially after I figured out what he’d done to me. I knew he’d want me back at some point or try and take Matthias after he was born. That fear was nothing new though. Up to that point I’d feared being taken back to the Circle.

“Tell me Emily, do you still…care for Matthias?” She looks confused by my question.

“Yes but…” she says. I hold my hand up and she quiets.

“Matthias was the first person to discover your disappearance. He cares a lot for you. Have a little faith in him.”

“I do but…right now…I’m just so scared. What if it happens again,” she says quietly, looking into her tea cup.

“Keep up with your training. I’ve watched you on the practice fields a little. Keep training and be watchful. Tell yourself that the next person who tries to take me won’t have it so easy. Don’t let your fear control you. I know it can be hard, I was taken back to the tower six times before the Warden Commander conscripted me.”

“Thank you,” she says after a short pause. “I’ll think about your advice.”

“Would you like me to walk you back?” I ask.

“Please,” she says with a sheepish little smile.

Emily doesn’t seem quite as nervous on the walk back to her quarters. The poor girl has been through so much…I hope I’ve helped her.


	8. Chapter 8

I was right. Matthias thinks he’s a danger to the rest of us. That he’s lived here for fourteen years without incident doesn’t seem to matter. I don’t think he understands that he’ll be a danger no matter where he goes. If there are more people out there who knew of Danarius’ foul plans then he and everyone around him will always be in danger. Fenris tried to tell him this, I’ve tried to tell him this and he won’t listen to either of us. It’s frustrating. Maybe Emily can convince him to stay for a while longer. He’s simply too young.

For the last few days she’s been venturing to the infirmary by herself. I think maybe she’s the only reason he hasn’t left. I just don’t know what to do…it feels like we’re losing him. I know he would have left eventually anyway but…Maker, please not like this.

***

Bruce is back and he isn’t thrilled with what’s happened. He and Emily got into a screaming match so I understand. Mostly about her continued relationship with Matthias. The poor girl has spent the last two days on our couch. It seems to have spurred her back to the practice fields though. Jess has been talking with him.

I don’t know what he thinks about me. I haven’t seen him since he got back. As a fellow worried parent I can understand his ire but none of this is Matthias’ fault. He can’t help the circumstances of his birth anymore than Fenris and I could help what Danarius did to us. Hopefully Jess can calm him. I really hope this doesn’t go to the Commander. 

Matthias hasn’t mentioned leaving for a while and for that I’m glad. He’s still somewhat depressed though. We had a long talk the other night about the strange things he did. He doesn’t know how he knew how to break the spell on Jess or how he absorbed her spell. When I asked if he could do them again he said yes. I asked if there were other things that he might know about. Unfortunately he doesn’t. This is so frustrating…all these years and we still have no idea what Danarius wanted. 

I suppose we know some things but ‘abilities no one else on Thedas has’ isn’t very informative at all. I’m starting to curse the day Varania showed up. I’m tired of worrying about this…about Matthias. Fenris is just as frustrated as I am. 

***

It’s taken a week but Bruce took me aside the other day. We spoke in my office and he asked me to tell him everything, so I did. He wasn’t exactly sympathetic but he wasn’t antagonistic either. I’m not sure what he thought. There were no questions, no gasps of horror…nothing. He did promise to keep it secret though. For that I’m grateful.

Later that day, I happened to see him speaking with Emily. I didn’t stay to pry but Matthias told me later that he’d apologized to both he and Emily. She’d only spent those two nights with us. Matthias convinced her to go back I think. 

Emily has been getting better. She goes to the practice fields everyday and she spends some time in the infirmary with me. At her request, I’ve been teaching her some non-magical healing skills. When I asked her why she just smiled and said, “Never hurts to be prepared.” 

On a happier note, we have some unexpected visitors. Hawke and Isabela showed up this morning. He’s being treated as a special guest here at the Keep…complete with a fancy dinner with the Commander. She’s given Fenris and I tomorrow off to spend with our old friend. I’m really looking forward to it.

***

Maker bless Garrett Hawke. We spent the entire day yesterday with him, Isabela and Matthias. I think he spent at least half of it talking Matthias into staying here for a few more years after we told him of Varania. Hawke said he’d be back for another visit in two or three years depending on how things go in Denerim. He’s been visiting the rulers of every nation, spending a few years with them at the request of the Divine. She apparently agrees with him that things need to change.

Later, he promised Fenris and me that when he did come back through he’d take Matthias with him. I can’t thank him enough. It’s only a few years but that’s all we had to start with really. When Matthias does leave us…I know he’ll be safe.


End file.
